Am I being used?
Do I live in denial?
or is it for real?

but then again, sur'real' is also part 'real'.

Long winding road, she's lost her crutches. She falls every second. But she picks herself up, brushes her knees and moves on.

But just because she's moving on, doesn't mean she doesn't need her crutches. She needs them more than she ever has.

"Please don't give up on me. Just give me some time. We can be perfect together and you know it. I just have to realize it and come running to you. But please, don't stand in the way thinking of catching me midway my run and giving me a hug, because there is a high chance I might trample the little you."

I quietly listen and smile...

...and wait.

I love how you give me missed calls when you want me to call you, and then pretend you were calling but the signal kept on dropping. I love how you're a million and one miles away, but you still have an aura of presence around me.
The sound of your voice, the way you say 'hello', the way you laugh, the way you sarcastically joke, everything about you, makes me so happy. My mood suddenly changes, everything around me seems so much more meaningful.
I know you miss me too. Maybe not as much as I miss you, but I'm sure you do. You pretend to be cool, but I still see your defense mechanism working.
I'm so tired of pulling away and living in denial. I know you are too, so why can't we just give in? Why DON'T we just give in? Why should we wait till its too late?
We're so perfect for each other.. so perfect.

If we ever lose each other, I will never forgive you... for making me care, for making me miss you, for giving you so much priority, for wanting to be with you, and most of all... for making me love you.

She likes to make garlands of flowers. She earnestly picks out the prettiest flowers in the whole field, inspecting and smelling each one, making sure all the petals are in place and the perfect size. It's like the field is her life and the flowers - her memories. She picks out the perfect memories and holds them together like garlands.
Memories holding on to a string of thread. Living a life cushioned by the pleasant moments. She does not realize the field is where she has to return to, inevitably.

Music in the background. Not blaring. Not barely audible. Just the perfect volume.
The song - romantic. Not overly mushy. Not the teenage-love kind. Just perfectly romantic for their situation.

She looks at him, smiles and says, "You know, this is one of the best songs you've ever made me listen to."
He smiles back, pleased that his choice in music is appreciated, and says, "aaah, this is one of my absolute favorites. I associate this song with one and one person only...



...it's not you."

They were too much in love. It was an unmistaken fact. The look in his eyes, the smile on her face, the way his hands brushed hers and the glow on her cheeks caused by the constant blushing.

I watched them closely while he ordered food for both of them. I heard their laughter. I watched them share the dessert. So magical and movie-like, it seemed unreal.

It was like deja vu.

Only this time it wasn't just a 'feeling' of familiarity.
It was real.

I blinked.

And during that split second shut-eye, I saw myself in front of him.

2 years ago.

I had the same smile on my face, the same glow on my cheeks, and even the same dessert.

There's all kinds of quotes or 'words of wisdom' as they like to call it for people feeling low.

Every cloud has a silver lining.
This too, shall pass.
There's always light at the end of the tunnel.

They're probably supposed to make people feel better about their current situation by consoling them with a brighter future.

What do you do when you realise that your present is happy and your future is dark?

She ponders and scratches her brain for wisdom words to adhere to the situation currently being exposed to her existence.
She looks at the person playing the main role. A hero? A villain?
She does not know.
The future holds the truth, but the future's dark. She wonders why. She looks for the light at the end of the tunnel.
She realizes, she walked into the tunnel from the wrong side.
She surpassed the light.
Now her destination is nothing but eerie darkness, surrounded by bitter truths, sweet nothings and broken dreams.

I've been waiting so long. Walking on this dark, spiral road which leads to nowhere.
I've been walking for so long.
You bastard.
I've been scared.
Why didn't u care?
I've stumbled and fallen.
You were never there.
I gave u so much.
I want payback.

Empty promises, lies, games. Shoved in my face like I was a toy.
Take it back, asshole. Take away ALL the pain u caused me. Give me my life back. Give me my wasted time back. Give me my faith back.

Take away this big blotch of regret from my conscience. Take away those dark blurs that ur memories leave behind.

May u have eternal distress and agony.

The joke's over, it's not funny anymore.

Sadly, I loved you.

He's so good with words. Everytime he says something, she sees herself falling for him more and more. He always knows what to say. He knows it when she wants him to tell her he loves her. He knows how to cheer her up. Hell, for him she would do anything. Anything at all.

He was, what they call, the master of puppets.